Sidney in the 2010s

2010 We get a coalition government - the first one since 1945. The responsibility is shared - there are winners (Tories) and losers (Liberals). Davy cuts down the 80ft deodora in our back garden so now we have lots of wooden stools. Iceland gets it's own back for the credit crunch by having a volcano erupt. The ash cloud comes our way and makes flying particularly (geddit?) difficult. I go flying - off my bike - and break my left hip again. It's my 80th birthday party the next day. Bad timing.

Being 80 I get treated to dinner at L'Eglise

2011 It's goodbye to middle-east dictators and hello to colours I hadn't seen for years, thanks to new (genuine plastic) eye lenses. A couple of royals get married at Westminster Abbey, but Ruby and Lee top that by getting married in St Pauls and I have the best day of my life giving her away. Mary and I go with the Meridian CC for a cycling holiday in Riccione. This is followed by our first visit to Rome for 41 years. Was it the same hotel? To finish the year off in style, Ruby and Lee give the world Jem on New Years Eve. I'm in love again.

I've now had 3 hours experience of being a grandfather

2012 It's Jem's first year. He has six adoring acolytes (Ruby, Lee, Julie, Baz, Mary and me) who love to recount his latest achievements to each other. Alexander and Jake both graduate and flex their high-flying muscles. Jem is already flying - to Tenerife for his first holiday. Julie waits for me when we both ride up Mont Ventoux, Mary and Baz provide the moral support. Jem is christened at St Pauls, so I guess that means no circumcision. We all go to the house-warming at Shirl's new (ie 15th century) place in Upend, where Jem shows interest in footwear.

I'm really one and there's more to come

2013 We enjoy our first year in a Meridian-free zone (don't ask). Mary retires and carries on at St Pauls, but only one day a week. Muriel is 85 and the subject of a Burley birthday conspiracy. Julie starts a new career as a zippy mandolin player. Now we are full-time grandparents (for three days a week) and suddenly find there are at least three hours before eight o'clock in the morning. Seven of us go to Coverack just to see who can ride their bike up the 1 in 5 hill. I try a hearing aid so Mary and I can tell if we're insulting each other. Ruby, Lee and Jem move to Hackney Wick  and we all celebrate Christmas there.

Jem finishes the year in style by being two.

Jem is two and a star performer

2014 Mary loves her Saturday job and Jem starts school at the Montessori on the park. We pick him up from there at 11am on Wednesdays and take him home on Thursday night. Every other week we take him to see Julie and Baz and he loves it - so do we. All seven of us gather in Coverack again for a perfect holiday. I ride round the Olympic Velodrome to fill a gap in the UCI hour record list. Shouted at by the whole family I do 28.4km and it's a world record! Jem shouts the loudest but he's quietened down a bit for his 3rd birthday party in December.

Is this the right way?

2015 Just because I set a world record at the Olympic Velodrome, Bradley Wiggins has to do it too. Julie and I get free tickets and meet him afterwards. Later I get a nice write-up in Rouleur magazine. Ruby gets a new job with the Royal Ballet and she loves it. Mary and me go riding with the Lewisham Cyclists - lovely people. Joan and Mary go to Tuscany for a week and have a marvellous time. Baz cooks for Steve Coogan and friends and gets a great testimonial on his new website. Jem is 4 and starts big school. Another Tory government so things are going to get worse.

Joan and Mary tough it out in Tuscany

2016 Jem is 5 and gets a bicycle for his birthday. He's just old enough to have a brother, so along comes Jody. My cycling speed drops dramatically, then we find out why - severe anemia. A couple of pints of someone else's blood and I can just about turn the pedals again. The Tories hold a referendum on Europe and get the shock of their lives. 52% vote out, 48% vote in. We get a special dustbin for garden waste and a new shed - this is getting serious. (No more frogs - the pond gets filled in.) Jem starts to write and Jody starts to walk. Ruby goes back to work and Jody goes to nursery. America gets Trumped - government by tweet, or is that twat?

Jody doing his  Edward G Robinson impression

2017 Zero tried Cornwall but now he's back at mum's. Everone is getting older - it  must be something we ate. Julie gets a new job nearer to home, only 20 minutes' ride but mostly uphill. Mary retires from St Pauls and becomes a Friend. A good decision, nothing to do with her breaking her foot. Jem moves up to the next class at school, still keeping his genius on a leash. Jody ends the year demanding "Read it!" He helps me to do the shopping on Thursdays in his "chariot" (trailer attached to Brompton). Another great holiday in the Coverack house, but we decide to look for somewhere flatter next year. All together two days after Christmas - dinner in Othello and fun in the flat.

Jody doing his  John Belushi impression